I love the idea of being with
someone. It kind of kills me sometimes because I love being single, but just
the thought of someone else appreciating me as much as someone like my mother
or sister does murders me inside. And by murder I mean that I become a
different person. Regardless of how sad I can be, how depressed I am, these
things bring me joy.
I’m trying to imagine what it’s
like to have a person, who I am deeply attracted to, want to spend time with me
and even enjoys my oddities and nuances that makes myself me. I’m a sap. I
listen to music and try to enjoy every bit of it. I enjoy both the classiest of
music to the rawest forms of the art. Classical to Folk, Pop rock to gangsta
rap. I love smiling and asking questions. I love reading when I can, but I can
never get up the patience to do it. I adore poetry and I used to think I was a
fairly creative person, but then I started reading some Robert Frost and
Leonard Cohen and I immediately shut up. Bringing me back to the topic of a SO.
Can I really find someone who enjoys this about me? Someone who enjoys that I
love thinking and having deep conversation. A being who is willing to put up
with my teasing and can challenge me academically and help me become a better
person. Someone who understands that I’m not the most confident being, but I
will be when I have to be. Can I locate another human being who would write
poetry to me and with me? Erotic, vivid, addictive poetry. Can she say words that will make me tremble
like no other? Will she be able to speak to the core of my heart like the Great
Cohen and Frost have done so recently? I need words and I need time. I’m a
needy individual, but still independent. Is this at all possible? Am I waiting
until I find the person that I describe here
or do I use it as a way to keep myself from becoming to close to someone that
could potentially hurt me.
Another question is if I post this
on the interwebz, will it make much sense to anybody? If I don’t check over for
grammar, how will my original draft look? Will people be confused? Would SHE be
confused? Or offended? Will some of my innocent thoughts be taken the wrong
way, or my wording seem to liberal? Being a creative writer as I am, not
everything I say should be taken so liberal. If you find anything dirty in
this, I guarantee you that it’s exactly the opposite.
Call me thirsty because it’s
probably true. But I could really care less in the end.
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