CAUTION: YOU ARE ENTERING A MIND OF A STRANGER.
I got sucked into life... Take that back. More like pushed out into life. Haha. Crude. Being up late is when I do most of my thinking. I think I should start writing everything out. Showing my life. Selling my stuff. Forgetting about finding that perfect girl and focus on things that are for sure. Like failure. I know I'm going to fail. And succeeding. I know I'm going to succeed. There are only two outcomes in everything. Failing or succeeding. Great. What's my word count? Did I write enough to make a difference. Probably not. Darn. If this were a sheet of paper I'd probably just rip it up already, thank God for computer screens. I wonder how long I could write before I just fell asleep. Not very long. 1000 words maybe? Longer than most of my school essays. It is so much easier to rant on and on about what is on my mind than to write about one boring subject for school. Here we go. Or I go. Because no one would go with me. Delve into what is my mind. To most people it would probably be a bore, but to myself it's the most interesting thing in the world. Kind of like when I was watching 30 Rock today and Jack said he wondered what it would be like to see the world from Kenneth's eyes and it proceeded to change to Kenneth's perspective and show Jack as a Jim Henson puppet singing all the words that came through his mouth... Everything was so happy. Sometimes I see life through eyes that are similar. Lately though it has been a drag. More pessimism than optimism. Which is a shame because I'm a Christian. One would think that with a God as great as mine I would be happy and joyful all the time, but the truth is that sometimes Satan gets you down and you look lost as you ignore/are blind to anything and everything that is calling to you for you to come back and reach out your hand to theirs. Or maybe it's so dark you forgot you even had a life up in Joyland. Pure darkness. Pierced by the light. God help me. I find this blog to be very therapeutic. Now to another part of my mind...
DISCLAIMER: THE WRITER OF THIS BLOG IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE EXPLOSION OF YOUR MIND, BODY, HORSES, DUCKS, REFRIGERATORS, PRINTERS, WEBSITES, CANDLES, PENCILS, TOILET PAPERS, TOILETS, POKEMON, MILK JUGS, PIPE LUBE, FRONT DOORS, PIANOS, WINDEX, TABLES, LAWNS, SHOWER HEADS, BABIES, CALENDERS, GENIUS, INSPIRATION, OR ASTHMA BEFORE, DURING OR AFTER THE READING OF THIS OR ANY OTHER BLOG POST ON THIS BLOG.
Sometimes I envy other people. It's usually not because of the stuff they have, but instead the stuff they have. Not they're possessions, but what they possess. People mature, and many of them as they mature acquire very attractive personality traits. Sometime this builds me up and gives me hope. Other times it makes me feel inferior or shy. How could I ever live up to a person like that? But I must always remember, regardless of how I feel that my identity is in Christ. I don't need to live up to that. For I am different and God is shaping and moulding me into a different person then they.
Everything comes back to the God I love. Which sometimes I don't live my life in the way I should. Anger and Jealousy, Annoyance and rage. Things like these take over my mind and my body and I am too weak to fight back and too stubborn to ask for help from friends or even more importantly, God. Wasting my life. That is what the past few months have been. And I'm not talking about getting a job or doing things society tells you to do, even though I probably should get a job. I haven't been making a difference for the Kingdom. I feel empty and kind of pointless and cruddy. That's because I know my purpose, but have been ignoring it. Smooth move. I just would love to be immersed in the beauty and love that is my God and Savior, Jesus Christ, but I feel like I lack the tools to do so. God save me.
