Secrets Keep Us "Safe"

This is a short one, I need to write more often...
          
I blog because it's easier to do and a little more transparent than a diary or a journal. I don't like secrets, I think for the most part secrets cause hurt and frustration. But maybe The Doctor is right, maybe secrets do keep us safe. But then again, The Doctor is a fictional character and I don't see how his logic is logical within the confines of reality. Because the truth is the truth whether you know it or not. The truth doesn't suddenly come into reality once you know it. It's just always there waiting to be discovered.

Let's look at it this way. If I was lost, I would like to be found. To me, truth is a person. Something that wants, that NEEDS to be discovered, otherwise, it's useless.

What good is it not knowing that you owe someone a million dollars if you have to pay them the next day? Well, regardless if you have the money or not, you have the choice to at least get some help, rob a bank, hide away and money to a different country. Knowing the truth is always better than not in my opinion.

Lastly, if you don't know the truth, you're believing a lie. I think I don't owe a million dollars, but I actually do. I wouldn't think that I would kill someone in my sleep, but apparently I did. I believe that I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky, but in reality I try and just plummet to my death... Silly Doctor.

Once Upon A Time... The Life of One College Student.

I must warn readers that if they do not appreciate cussing, they should just disregard it or simply not read this blog.

Sometimes I forget I even have a blog. I forget how useful it can be to get feelings off my chest, especially when I have something to share with the world. Journals are for more personal details, but I view blogs as a slightly less open incarnation of yourself. Somewhere where you can say whatever the fuck you want and get away with it, people don't have to read it, but they can draw some of the views and characteristics out of the writer.

So without further ado, my feeling and views on life at this moment. With complete honesty and without restraint.

1. I feel as if expectations are far too high.
2. I feel constrained by school, but shouldn't school allow me to do more?
3. I have always found reading for the most part to be boring, some people have a knack for it I would like to see teaching evolve and see more teachers actively involved instead of expecting students to read and understand everything from the start, especially when it's more skill oriented subjects.
4. Fuck anybody who says you're not allowed to swear.
5. I can't think of anything to say for this one, so let's move on, right?
6. Does the government not understand the concept of basic economics?
7. Stress is the evilest form of torture, thanks college.
8. There is nothing motivating me right now, maybe I need some counseling before I fuck up my life.
9. ...

Hopelessly Romantic To All The Wrong People

I'm here to burst everyone's bubble. The fact is that the vast majority of people have cheated on someone in their lifetime. It's a hard fact to face, but the truth is we are just like those scumbags who enjoy the thrill of not being with the one they are currently "committed" to. The only difference between those "scumbags" and the general population is that you and I had not realized we were doing this. Still confused? How about an example!

My name is Logan Welliver and I have cheated. I'm the hopeless romantic type. My ideals are way to high and I subconsciously expect my relationships to live up to those standards so I am never satisfied. I have dated several girls and I have never cheated on them, but instead they were the other women I cheated with. Could I be more vague? Probably not. It's like a riddle, I guess. The truth is, I know everything, I used a cheat code in the game of life to find out something. I am actually married to a wonderful woman.

I have been married to this woman for some negative number of years now and I feel like the relationship is going pretty well, but it turns out in the past few years that I've cheated on her and she's not too happy about that so I told her that I would cheat on her no more.

The point is we all know who I'm going to marry. Can you guess? Correct. I'm going to marry my wife. And I can take a crazy guess and say that any number of those girls I've kissed, cuddled and dated over the years are probably not going to be my wife/wives. Therefore, am I not cheating? Willingly knowing all along that I have married for some time now?

So are we all that different from all those "scumbags?" I'm sure few of us are, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say we are not all as saintly and we would like to believe we are. Our path and life is linear and mistakes are inevitable, but I'm sure we could avoid a few key ones, right? And now I, because of my hopeless romantic nature, will decline to accept anything less than my wife. I now take my leave.

Mock Lyrics

Another day has gone without acknowledging you
The pain it exists and I know the solution, but the lies persist
These feelings bring more agony and I sludge through the dirt
The dirt is made of moans and screams all calling out through a distant mist
My heart is fragile like paper, easy to crumple and tear and simple to fix with tape
Even though it will never look the same, It will continue to work as it did
Documenting memories and showing off illustrations
Illustrations of the mind that tell my audience what truly matters

The Rantings Of A Stressed College Student

            Hi, my name is Logan Welliver. This is my rant. I have had a horrible day today, but that’s okay because it’ll be better another day. No reason to kill myself or anything. Just chillin’ here and listening to some music. I am male, not female. I happen to love music and I have a love/hate relationship with philosophy right now. Balls. My frustration word. I have this fancy new Mac and it’s been a constant source of joy and distraction. If I can pump out a thousand or more words from this I’ll be impressed. I’m not even at two hundred yet. When I get angry I think of all these fun things to do, but I never seem to do that, I think I need help. Facebook sucks, but it’s awesome. Why do girls suck? Even though they don’t. I just say that when I’m feeling lonely and really want someone to cuddle with, oh well. I need to play piano. But It’s late and I need to sleep. School sucks and at the same time it’s the best thing ever. I have a feeling it will get even better with time. I can just feeling my typing skills getting better by the second. I’m just gonna write a freaking novel right now. Here’s how it will start…

            There once was a boy. He had no arms, but he still wanted to play the piano. So instead, he tried using his toes to play. He was a massive success and he had no arms. The moral of the story is that you don’t need arms to be awesome. THE END.

            That was just a summary; it’ll be longer than that. Like a few words longer. That was the abridged version. It will be a massive success because it relates to everyone who doesn’t have arms. I have arms, but I imagine that it would be horrible if I had no arms. Off the subject of no arms. I need to get a big ol’ deep dish pizza. I wanna go to Giordano’s. How about a break? Just a break from life? I feel like I never get those, but I probably do more often than I think. I’m at (ß 371^st word.) 372 words. I need to print some stuff in the morning. I kind of wish I had my own printer; convenience is a beautiful thing. I did not know how to spell convenience, so thank God for spell check. Over the past two weeks I have gone from having no music in my iTunes library to having 3.7 days worth of it, that’s made up of 1452 tracks, I think that is some substantial progress. I actually feel like I’m doing something of worth, I am working my brain and maybe even my writing skills. This is creative writing so the rules of grammar don’t apply. For the most part. Screw. Full. Sentences. Go fragments! This is incredible. I’m just about to pass 500 words. This is my 500^th word. Not kidding, the word “this” is my 500^th word. Crazy. Productivity at it’s greatest. I’m determined to write until I get to at least a thousand words. I’m listening to Gungor and I just think they are so wonderful. They are musically inclined and have such great musicianship and yet have the greatest meanings to their songs. The combination makes them one the best bands ever. I really hope that one day I can write music that will rival Gungor in musicianship and overall worth, but that’s a very lofty goal. I’m on Facebook right now. The thing that is quite great about socializing on Facebook is that everything you say you can come back to and quote and it’s like a written conversation. Even though you don’t see people face to face. I wish life automatically recorded and documented conversation. Memories would have that much more value. Someone could be like… “I remember that one time, that was fun, remember what I said? Neither do I. Oh wait… Let’s look it up! Oh! Haha. What I said back then was really funny. I’m funny. Thank God that all these conversations are documented.” That would be in a perfect world, but I guess in a perfect world we would just be able to remember everything. Sounds pretty perfect. I really do wonder how people write books, I wouldn’t have the patience. But I do understand why it takes them so long… This could suck to write like a million words. I say “like” because it may not be a million words. More or less. Probably less. Unless it’s God and, and, and you wrote the Bible. How cool? I think it would be awesome to be one of the authors of the bible. I’m doing pretty well with this word count and so far it’s been under an hour that I’ve been typing. I’m impressed with myself. I think right now I’m crying out for a best friend. I want someone that I know better than anyone else and can talk to about anything and have absolutely no shame around. I’ve made a lot of friends here, but it takes time. It’s about to hit midnight, now. It’s now September 24^th now. I’ve been at school for exactly a month now. This is all going by so quickly. I’m not going to bed yet… Erg. I’m really anxious. I don’t want to be anxious. I want to be calm and relaxed. Dear God, please give me strength. Please. I’m a broken human and need some serious help. I’m so ridiculously messed up. I realize it’s incredibly easy to bash on myself. Is it that easy for all people? Probably not the narcissists. They could probably go on about how great they are for hours. But thankfully I haven’t met a person yet that is that extreme. In my finals words… Pray. The best thing you can do in any situation is pray. And then go do it. Go do something. Be awesome. Be awesome in God. Because God is awesome.