It's hard writing a paper. At least for me it is. I'm in class staring at a screen for hours. I don't do much and I wonder where my motivation has gone. Is it the fact that I have six weeks left til graduation or is it the fact that I feel overwhelmed by things because I can't seem to start and finish one thing? Maybe I should find some outlet, some type of hobby that I actually enjoy and can do without someone yelling at me. I feel so done with high school. I praying and hoping that college will be better, but if I don't become more diligent will it ever change. And maybe even a lot of people will call me mature for realizing this, but the problem is, I don't feel like I am at all. I see people achieving these great things by doing what they love and they never stop working. But I feel trapped in things that I have grown tired of, maybe with the initial enthusiasm and then my interest tapered because it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. In fact, all the things that I thought I would be fine with I have struggled the most with, and the subjects I thought I would dread the most in the beginning ended up enriching my life the most.


I couldn't imagine what the people who started Google had to deal with when they began operations. And now they own the world. Without them there wouldn't be this great blog with this great user interface and I couldn't vent to the world as efficiently. Google gave everyone something that they could waste their time on or even be productive with. Writing is productive for the most part and in this case I believe that it could even be healthy or therapeutic. Production. Efficiency. Peace. Purpose. These are some of the things I would love right now. While I know I have a purpose, I feel as if I'm missing purpose in the things I do. While I do produce things, I don't feel like I produce things that are needed. While peace sits in my grasp I continually sit and wonder if I'll ever actually reach out to grasp it. And efficiency? Well I just do not know. 


I hope many things. But not in all things. I hope I can write a paper that will make some sort of difference in someone's life, but I dare not hope that it actually might come of something. And this defeats itself.


I might be rambling, more of me talking to myself than talking to an audience. For if I was talking to an audience I might want to pick a subject that people would want to read about. People get drama at school and on Facebook, so why read about internal issues on a blog? Isn't life full of better things? Such as Happiness and Joy? Peace and Hope? Faith and Love? Maybe. Well it is, but you don't always feel that way. Maybe that's it. The whole point of why I've been typing for the past twenty minutes. There is a disconnect.


There is a disconnect between my feelings and Truth. Because if my feelings were dictated by what I know to be true, I would have endless Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness, Love,  Faith and Self-control. But instead my feelings are dictated by what I see, which is very depressing to me now that I can see it. As once I saw the things of the world as something enjoyable, but I'm beginning to find it more detestable. And I as I find it more detestable I begin to find the things of God more delightful and even more fulfilling than what I had before. It's like replacing your diet of Twinkies, Ho-Hos and Capri Sun with fruits, vegetables and water. At first you may not think it a benefit for it does not taste as good, but as you reap the beauty and energy from this new found diet, you begin to cherish it.

Apathy

Apathy is, as defined by Wikipedia (Is the best), a state of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation, and passion. I have been fairly apathetic about everything lately, and some people make excuses to justify their lack of time spent doing anything worthwhile.  Well I have decided  that my excuses are not to justify as if I had done nothing wrong, but rather a confession and evaluation of my flaws. To begin, I must evaluate my apathy. It starts with this blog, I haven't posted in months. Second, my friends, close friends (I do have some), where has the time gone. Thirdly, schoolwork, as I am a senior and should not be getting senioritis until later on. And I can guarantee there are various other flaws, but I feel as if I must start with these three.
I do enjoy writing (Or typing), putting words down onto paper (Or a computer screen) and spilling out my thoughts and desires in hope that I may make a difference in someone's life as many authors have done in mine. I have many distractions that come into my mind as I write, or as I don't write. Even as I type right now I get distracted by the many news stories on facebook (Curse you Mark Zuckerberg!). Sometimes we all just don't care. Or have suppressed our emotions by replacing them with other things, useless things. Look! A duck!

But you know what I mean (I'm making the assumption that everyone reading this is semi-intelligent, hooray for you). Main point, I can't do what what I really want because I'm too busy doing things I think I wanna do, suppressing my true emotions, therefore apathy. I'm pretty shure (Mic joke!) this goes without saying that the same things applies to your relationships as well.

As you grow you find people that think you're a pretty chipper person and you return the feeling... sometimes. In my experience, this has come with great price. I make a great friend, but then somehow get out of touch. "Somehow" implying that I had no clue why. But now I do. I put great emphasis on things such as my electronics and my comfort over the things that truly matter most. Many a times when I find myself at home with friends, I will frequently ignore them as if the computer in more important. I then must quickly shut the computer due to my habits. And also the apathy of actually building up the relationships comes into play too. When friends invite me to hang, I more often than not find myself wanting to do nothing (I'm sorry to all) rather than getting up and moving out. This all had lead me down a seemingly never-ending spiral. I say no, so I lose friends, I lose friends, I become more insecure, I become more insecure, I make less friends, I make less friends, I wonder why people don't like me, I wonder why people don't like me, I pre-judge people and their motives, etc. Whereas this isn't so true as it used to be (Praise Jesus!), it does make me ponder why I did it? And why I continue to be apathetic about things, especially the more significant subjects. Bringing up subjects... Me and School have a very awkward relationship.

Where do I start? Me and School hit it off pretty early. We had a fairly playful relationship early on. I like her, she liked me. We played during kindergarten, art one day, house the next. I was the manly cop that came home with the money, she was the patient wife that always made me dinner and never forget to bring my "banana gun" to work. As we grew, she became so much more educational and involved, and while I knew she was good for me, I refused because it was all too difficult. 

Too difficult? God knows what would've happened to this world and everything else if we all decided not to do something because it was "too difficult". We'd all be dead. But even though I may dread learning something as I learn it, I do sure love it in the after thought. Just as we go through trials, we hurt, we burn, we come through in the end and we know what to do and what not to do. And this is why I can firmly say, next to Pride, Apathy is the most dangerous trait anyone can have.

People call it being lazy, the Bible calls it slothfulness, my mom calls it the devil. Apathy is great enemy to all. An enemy to those who want to be great someday, to those who are called to greater things, as us Christians are, and even those who intend to live. This is a wake up call to the masses, we must fix what we have not done, rather than what we have done because in actually we have done nothing. And to the countless numbers of teenagers out there. There is no such thing as "teenager", it's a word people invented to further narrow down age, not ability and maturity, you're either a child or an adult. Grow up America. We can no longer face what is before us unless we actually perform some task outside of ourselves. Diligence is the key. And our motivation should be Jesus, the one who saved us from all sin, including Apathy.

...

I gave this post no title. You can try to guess why, but you might be wasting your time. Just like the times we waste on all the other things that we think have meaning and purpose when in fact they do not...

Why do we waste our time? I could go on ranting and tell you that there is nothing to worthwhile to read, but still you persist. A good amount of my time is spent just wondering what I will put down. Some of it may make no sense, maybe the whole body is without purpose and maybe it amuses you, but if there is no moral, no purpose, nothing holding you there except maybe pure boredom and this is all filler.

Everything I am telling you is useless. My words are completely empty.

But more ranting could do you good, you need some randomness in your life, probably your life is pretty dull right about now. So is mine.

That was pointless, yet you still read, looking for a cheap thrill, looking for something to matter that doesn't. If nothing is going to come of what I write, or what we do, or the things we say, or the way we live our lives... Why do we do them?!

Take a step back, regardless whether you believe there is a purpose to life, think about this... What is there to gain from a believing that our life is purposeless? What is there to gain by believing there is no God? What is there to gain by believing there is some crazy God who forgot about a long time ago? What hope is there? Why do people continue to accept hopeless and idiotic ideologies and beliefs? What logical sense is there is believing these things? What sense is there is believing there is only hopelessness, despair, and disappointment? Why do these things give you satisfaction?

Pointless. When there could be purpose? Which would you rather choose?

Living a life without the hope of something more is idiotic.

I might have lied, this could be about something, but only if you make it to be.

I encourage you to stop reading. Turn off the computer, before I actually say something worthwhile.

Purpose, it exists. And in the most beautiful way I might add.

Purpose in Jesus, living through Him by living for Him, He is everything that is good, pure, righteous, morally right, joyous, merciful, and wonderful in this universe, He created it all. He blessed us by giving us this wonderful to take care of it and enjoy it. Living with and for God is the purpose. And doing what we are created to do is the thing that will give us the most joy will it not?

"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing."
-C.S Lewis

"I sometimes wonder whether all pleasures are not substitutes for joy."
-C.S. Lewis

"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through Him and for Him." 
-1 Colossians 1:15-16


Let us run to the arms of our Creator, our Father, our friend.We try to create meaning and purpose through pointless objectives. We try live creation without the Creator. We try to maintain life while ignoring the prescence of the Life Giver. He gave His life for us, the least we can do is give our lives back to Him.

He Loves you, He Loves me, He died, so we could live... Is that not the essence of Love? Isn't the Truth worth fighting for? Worth living for? Is that pointless?


-A Boy on a Journey

Essentials Kit :)

Maybe one day we could live our life off of so little.

All jokes aside, people do it everyday. People are left with even less in fact. While we sit down and complain about homework and work and how "I'm so busy I only have time for me". If you really think, we could live with less. People in Haiti do it all the time, and I bet people in Japan are doing it too. We rush to the scene when something traumatic happens (Which is Wonderful), but the rest of the world is in dismay and we turn a blind eye. I sit here on my computer blogging, realizing that this is what I often do. It's been said over and over again, maybe we should take a class on it, that always seems to work.

I guess my whole point in saying this is that it's getting to me, I think I may  be looking beyond my own life and comfort and onto the well-being of others. I think if everyone cared like Jesus wants us to do, His hands and feet would reach out. People's lives would be forever changed, and then what need for a Socialist, Communist, or Democractic government would there be. If God reigned in our lives. What would become of this broken world? It's ideal. An ideal that I want in my life.

-Self-indulged

A Blog of Momentous Proportions

So I thought it would be kind of cool to blog thoughts and life experiences. I figured I enjoy typing a little more than I did writing, so what the heck! I think one of the biggest things about doing this is that I need to keep up with it, maybe even make things interesting so people will actually read what I type, maybe I'll be able to make a difference in someone's life.


So the first thing I needed was a name for my blog. The name was inspired by 1 Corinthians 13:1 and also the name of an album by the band "The Rocket Summer" also inspired by the same verse.

 "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.  Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Cor. 13:1-7)

This is what drives me, I do not just follow religion, but filling relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Another thing that bothers me is the dismissal of religion, I hear many Christians say, "Oh, I'm not religious, but I do have a relationship with Jesus", without thinking what religion really is. So I took the liberty of looking up the definition of Religion and think about what it actually means to be religious, a healthy type of religious of course.

According to Wikipedia, "Religion is a belief of some superhuman power or powers, in particular a god or gods, which usually involve obedience, reverence, and worship; and as part of a system which defines a code of living, especially as a way of achieving spiritual or material improvement"

Religion is a belief. So my question is why so many christians decide to write off being religious altogether. Why can't christians state that they are religious and also have a deep relationship with the living and breathing God that created the universe? If anybody can answer this for me, how exactly we came to this, please tell me.

So what is it called when people say that we focus too much on religion?

I firmly believe that is when we focus too much on the law, and attempt to follow God's impossible standards to a T. This can leave someone feeling guilty and empty, with the thought that everything they do is wrong or maybe even stupid. Too much Law. Not enough Grace. The Grace of God, Unmerited Favor. Knowing that God will forgive us, no matter how wrong or "unusual" our sin can be. What we need is Grace. Among the most important things.

-Logan "Nogal" Welliver